The Gathering and New Year's

Be still my beating heart - Christmas with my family went reasonably smoothly :)

I was tense walking into it, but reminded myself that I'm an adult and can leave when it suits me to do so. My boys and S were ok with not going at all, so I knew that the evening would be my call about staying or not. The other thing I remembered was that these people were used to me being the me that I always was and they won't accept a different me right away.

My younger sister didn't make it, she went home with sinusitis and bronchitis so as not to infect my dad. Apparently, my dad told her to go home if she's contagious because his health simply can't be compromised. I honestly can't see my dad saying that to her at all. But if I need others to accept that I am different, then I must accept that others are different. I did watch my mom and dad, my mom seems to be doing better with mental stability, but she has a project now - my dad.

My dad is a man who always denied he was sick in any way, didn't take sick days from work or allow himself to be whiny about any sickness. I have modeled myself after him, I don't take sick days from work and am rarely ill. I have one major flu/cold about every five years and a stomach flu about once a decade. If I am cut I heal fast but bruises take an eternity to leave.

My dad is much more outspoken about what he wants, he was the one to say to the group that it's time he went home as he's tired. I don't think he'd ever done that before, always relied on my mom to be the one to decide when the Gathering is done. My mom was just as she used to be - picking fights with my Aunt. Luckily, my Aunt didn't rise to the bait, she would just be firm and end the line of argument early rather than carry it on. I didn't speak much to my older sister during the Gathering. I didn't really have much to say and we are so very different.

I also didn't rise to the bait when it was thrown at me by my mom (eg - my sister asked my mom if my boys opened their gifts, my mom said "I don't know, they didn't say thank you or anything" in her dramatic 'poor me' voice. I put my head down and pretended not to hear, when in previous years I would have tried not to roll my eyes as I tell my boys to say thank you. When I didn't make any response to my mom's comment, I saw my mom look at my sister, who then told my boys she didn't hear a 'thank you'. My older son just looked at her and with absolute certainty said "I already said thank you" and my younger son didn't acknowledge that she even spoke). As much as I believe in thanking people and raising good, courteous children, they are 13 and 11 and long past the age where I control what they say. I could have nudged my youngest and demanded a thank you but it's not his way. He will thank those who he feels deserve it (something like they have to treat him well whenever they see him, not just give a gift because the occasion demands it and expect gratitude), he has flattered several waitresses by saying they have nice hair or a nice voice, he's expressed thanks at cashiers for getting a bag for him. I know he's capable of gratitude, but he seems to have an internal gauge for when it's best expressed.

I did see my older sister before she flew back home. I wasn't planning on it as I've felt overwhelmed and she is a bit....selfish? Demanding? Self-centered? Unkind? Anyway, I didn't want the drain on my energy this year but gave in anyway and saw her the other day. That went well too! Again, I was surprised. She did as she does and picked a topic like my abrasiveness and went on about it far longer than necessary. She told me she's learning how to accept that her feelings are her own and others are not responsible for making her feel a certain way (she used to think if she feels bad, it's up to you to make her feel better. I gave that up years ago). So I told her I was learning to be less abrasive. That stopped her for a while.

For New Year's I spent it with my three guys. I didn't like it as much as it's a marker for how few friends I have. New Year's snuck up on me and I made no plans, nor was I invited anywhere. I would love to dress up in a fancy dress and do something, but I never have. Partly because I've never been invited to, and partly because I don't know of any events where I could dress like that. My ex would not have liked to go to something like that (well, I wouldn't have liked to spend the time with him, maybe if there were other couples. But we had no couple friends) and I think S would if I asked. So maybe next year we'll go to a dinner theater or something. This year the boys played World of Warcraft until after midnight and S and I sat and talked. Not bad, but we do that every night and I'd like New Year's to be a bit more special.