Beautiful day and EMPowerplus

Today was such a beautiful day :) The sun was out and warm on my skin and actual puddles were forming in the edges of the snow.

I went back to work today after being off for a week because my daddy died, and I was surprised at how dry the streets were. I live in northern Alberta, Canada and it's unusual to have dry pavement in February. It is usually still very cold and snowy. So the warm sun, dry dusty - actually dusty! - roads and damp smell of melting snow was a delight to be had. I needed to run some errands after work so I included washing my car first and stayed away from the edges of the road wherever possible so my car could stay shiny and clean for more than a day.

I think (ok, I know) that I bounced Up again. I didn't sleep at all last night. Well, maybe an hour or two - I forced myself to stay in bed and keep my eyes closed - but I was up frequently to pee and felt like I hadn't slept a wink. Then I went to work and was able to go into hyperspeed at some points without feeling tired. I left work feeling very energetic so I washed my car and did errands before coming home and working out on my Bowflex. After a shower I forced myself to sit on the couch with my eyes closed. Otherwise I was sure I'd crash later this evening. I may have had an hour's nap.

The Down was only just on Monday. The boys had it off school (Family Day) and I was still off work. S's SAD lamp came on and simulated sunrise, which just pissed me off. I was fully awake long before I felt like I should be. And I can't convince my brain that the fake sunlight is real, it knows and my body knows that it is fake and still wants the dark morning. So I tried to lay down in the living room listening to the loud hum of computers and my older son getting up to find a dvd. I went to the basement and sat on the Bowflex for about a half an hour to try to get myself less angry. It didn't work. I spent my day seriously irritated, and by the time S got off work I was falling helplessly into the Down. I sat on the couch and stared at the wall for over an hour and a half waiting for bedtime. I knew if I went to bed too early I'd be up waaaaay too early. I was not capable of conversation and resented the entire world for making me have to deal with it.

I thought that was just me grieving my daddy, but in light of today's good mood and lack of sleep, I'm thinking it's more to do with Bipolar. So this proves to me that the EMPowerplus vitamins aren't working as a medication alternative. Keeping in mind I'm supposed to take 15 capsules a day and have been taking 4. They are expensive. I can sympathize with people in the USA for having to pay for medication without coverage. Anyway, I'll up the dose to about 9 a day and see how that goes. I really want to avoid chemical medications, so I should make a better go at this then I have been.

Oh - and I saw actual grass today! Ok, dead, yellow grass, but grass nevertheless! I wonder if Mother Nature is just teasing me, will spring be early or are we in for a major snow dumpage and cold front?