Thursday, April 24, 2008

Faking it

I found myself faking it yesterday. At work, especially. I didn't have enough sleep that night and was completely unable to care one bit about anyone or how they felt. Now I know that's not the way to get along with people so instead of being bitchy and snarking at everyone, I just faked it. I smiled and laughed when I knew there was a joke. I looked sad when appropriate. Mostly I just wanted everyone to go away.

One of the ways I know I'm Up or Down is the topic of marriage. When I'm Up I'd love to marry my boyfriend. I want to spend my life with him. As soon as my thinking changes in the beginnings of a Down I start thinking how I want time alone. I don't want to be anchored to one person forever. I want a house all to myself. It's interesting that I am aware of my thoughts enough to think "oh, here comes an Up" before I feel the chemical change in my brain. Now I just need to learn how to not allow my negative Down-thoughts rule the day. I need to remember that a Down is not the time to make any huge decisions.

2 comments:

jennifer said...

Wow you sound like me. I got married when I was on an "up." I sometimes think it's a mistake, but that's only when I'm "down." I go back and forth of whether it was the right thing to do or not based on my "ups" and "downs"

Annie said...

I think it is hard to remember right then when the big decision comes so what I do is have a rule that I wait a week to make any major decision. Keep in mind I have rapid cycling, so by waiting a week my mood has typically changed. Good luck! Annie