Bipolar Support Group - first meeting

I went to my first of ten Bipolar Support Group meetings last night. The information was ok, nothing I didn't already know, but maybe the rest will have something new for me. What disappointed me was the idea that yet again, I am invisible in groups. Every group I've ever attended I've been invisible. No one hears me talk or sees my hand raised. It must be something I'm doing but I don't know how to fix it. What I've done in the past is to be a bit more forceful with each session until people stop ignoring me. Unfortunately this comes across as bitchy sometimes and I don't end up with any friendships at all. So next meeting I'll sit more in the middle and be a bit louder or catch a pause when someone is talking so I don't appear to talk over others.

What upset me as well was the fact that S was able to easily say what he wanted to say. People stopped and turned to him and listened. At the end of it as we were preparing to leave, I took a moment to use the washroom. When I came back, S had people around him asking for his insight into Bipolar Disorder. For the record, he doesn't have BD. So not only do people seem to not see me, they see S clearly. I know I should feel happy for him, but I don't. I'm envious.

Every group I've ever been to I've wished for some connection with the people there. Maybe even make a friend or have someone interested in me or my life. I've wished that I could feel like I belonged or was a part of something. Every time, every single time, I have had my hopes crushed. So this time I thought I was going into this meeting with the idea that I'm only there for information. And it wasn't until people talked over me and looked away when I tried to give input, that I realized that I was still looking to fit in. I will do my best to remember in the future not to even bother trying. Since I already know I will fail, based on previous experience, there really isn't any point in thinking someone would actually want to be around me.