Christmas Day with the four of us was the best I've ever had :) Everyone liked their gifts, there was no fighting or 'cooped up' behaviour and no stress over meals. It was easy, relaxed, fun, enjoyable and peaceful. I have always wished for Christmas to be like that and now I've finally had it - after 36 failed attempts :) Actually, that's not fair, when I was a child I had no control over my environment and had to go with the flow, but I seem to remember never feeling comfortable. This year I finally felt comfortable and at ease. I would like next year to be the same, if it's not too much trouble for the Karma Gods :)
I don't know if I want to go to my family gathering on Saturday. I was thanked by my sister for saying I would be on my best behaviour, and insulted by the thanks. I mean really, how old am I? Five? Do I need to actually say to people that I'll be on my best behaviour? I don't recall anyone ever asking my older sister to be less mean, or my mom to be less attention-grabbing, why did I have to be asked to be 'good'? Besides....what they don't seem to know or acknowledge is that I've always been on my best behaviour at family gatherings.
I read my older sister's blog and saw she was shopping all day with my younger sister. Both of them are in town and neither has contacted me at all. Now, I don't really expect them to, but I still feel very left out anyway. I have the clear impression that I'm not wanted at the gathering, that not many of them like me or want to spend the time with me, it's just an obligation thing.
S and the boys have already said they don't want to go. My older son asked if the gifts could just be mailed to him as he doesn't want to see anyone. S has said he will go and support me no matter what, but he would prefer not to go. So the decision rests with me. Do I go and try to have a good time and enjoy the company of the two people I'd like to see (my aunt and dad), or do I stay away and avoid any potential stress and hope my dad lives long enough for me to see him?
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