Christmas is coming like a speeding train

So, my sister that hasn't spoken to me in almost a year did indeed answer an email I sent out - hopefully a good sign. I asked her if she's ok with the idea that all of us are getting together for a gathering (nobody really asked me if it was ok so I didn't know if they asked her if it was ok to be there with me). She's fine with it. She was acting as if there was never any problem. I had momentarily forgotten that my family deals with things this way. We pretend all is good and hide our resentments and anger. We stuff all those icky feelings way deep down and put food on top of it.

So a family gathering is approaching with Christmas. I had originally discussed it with S and said that it's better I opt out of any kind of arranging. I tend to pick up the ball when it's been dropped, or looks like it'll be dropped, or is being held by someone else. I started to get a bit excited about the gathering and realized I could have control (oh yeah, I'm a bit control-freaky sometimes) and have the event the way I wanted it. Most everyone else was washing their hands of planning so I could do all of it. I was planning the meal in my head and how to seat everyone in my kitchen. I had arranged when the gift opening would be and where board games would be played. Then I talked to my older sister on the phone. She started with the 'suggestions' (she's also control-freaky) and wouldn't let up on what was important to her. She didn't really seem to hear me when I shot the ideas down, it is my gathering after all. I left the conversation in a bad mood and felt the Down coming.

It took me until today at work to realize that the Down is from the inevitable stress of planning anything to do with my family. It would be great if their ideas were merely ideas and not expectations, it would be easy if people were grateful instead of critical and it would be fantastic if the only words in the house were positive and supportive instead of negative and nasty. I quickly figured out that if I continue on this path I will be beaten down and exhausted from all of it. I would spend the next two weeks trying to please every person and attempt to facilitate everyone's expectations.

So today after work I sent off an email saying all I need to know is the date, time, what to bring and whether or not to be hungry. I just checked my email and one sister has already responded with ideas about what to eat. It took a remarkable amount of self-control to not respond and give my 'suggestions'. I need to remember to butt the hell out and just show up at the designated time.

Oh my, oh my, Christmas is coming.