Mourning a little angel

I have been dealing with the death of a little girl I used to look after. She had just turned 10 last month and was in an accident with her mom, who is still my hairdresser. The mom suffered some injuries but the daughter died about a week after the accident because of her injuries.

This little girl was my first ever child to look after. I had her from about five months old to preschool age and adored her. She was my favorite of all the children that passed through my house. I still talk about her with fondness and talk about her mother as being the best mom I'd ever encountered. She is firm with her children, but loving. She puts restrictions on their lives but only because she loves them so dearly. She didn't ever give in after saying 'no', she had never been afraid of losing her children's friendships because after all, she is their mom not friend. She allowed them to develop who they are but retain a strong moral compass.

During the memorial I wanted to stand up and say something, but saw in an instant that the rest of this gathering doesn't need to hear me prattle on. I did get a chance to hug the mom and tell her I held her in such high regard as a parent, and that her daughter was well loved by her and well cared for, she had a good ten years here with us. I told her how her daughter was my favorite and always will be, and that now there is an angel whose name we know.

Although I am sad and feel like crying at inappropriate times, I'm not plunging into the depths of depression. I think my reactions are normal. Or as normal as I can be, I suppose. I do think of this as a test of my fortitude in dealing with Bipolar Disorder without any medication. Well, this combined with Christmas.