Pleasantly coasting

My good mood continues :) All day at work I felt pleasantly happy and not stressed at all. My mind feels sharp and organized instead of draggy and foggy that I associate with a Down. I enjoy the Up very much, and if I could stay the way I am right now that would be perfect. I know I'm not too far Up because I can see how inappropriate it would be to search the web for live feed webcams or ask a girl at work to share her weed.

At work I was thinking about friendships. I really don't have very many and I'm not the type of person other people invite out. I feel left out of the loop on almost everything. Just today some coworkers were talking about email and I realized no one asked for my addy and I didn't even know others were trading theirs. Many years ago I ran a playgroup and had no idea (until it was mentioned one week) that many of the moms were meeting outside the group. Again, no one called me or asked me to join or even discussed it in front of me.

Only once was I a part of an 'inner circle', and that was a group of moms from my son's school. I got into the group by being who they wanted me to be. More and more I would be myself, and they liked that - as long as it didn't conflict with their ideas of what I should be. So when I let my full self show I was no longer invited out with them.

So at work I was thinking of how to get involved in groups and make some friends, or even just get to know new people and it actually occured to me to change myself to fit in more. Now that's just not right. If I can't fit in the way I am then that is not the group for me. I suspect being bipolar may have played a big role in my ability to be accepted. After all, my moods were unpredictable and my whole thinking process and attitude about things changed depending on whether or not I'm Up, Down or in between.