Still normal, normal, normal.

Nothing much new in the way of my moods today. I was snappish with my boys for a bit but I think that's normal in parenting. The weather is also cooling off, lending to a bit of a subdued mood I think. Overall I don't feel Up or Down, so here we go with normal again. This is the longest normal streak I can remember. I used to always feel like I was travelling Up or Down but never settling down in one state of mind. Now I think I feel the way I'm supposed to feel, equal all the time and emotions based on events not chemical dumpage in my brain.

Could it be possible that the lithium is actually working? Now that I'm taking in enough water, that is :) My bowels are functioning normally and my head no longer has that funny feeling that I associated with overdosing on lithium. I'm cautiously optimistic that this will actually work for me.

I was shopping today and looking at all kinds of pretty clothes. I've never really been a clothes horse in my past, but I'm finding more and more I want pretty things. That fit. See, I'm bigger now than I ever have been. I'm short (only 4'11") but weigh in at around 155lbs. That's a lot for me. So now I try on large sizes and the occasional extra large. I don't like it but have very little motivation to change it. Maybe in time I will. Anyway, I have been having the urge to dress nicer than jeans and tees so I've been eyeing flowy dresses and flirty skirts. Stupidly, I'm afraid to change the way I dress because of S. I seem to be under the impression that it is not good to change things like that for fear of ridicule. That concept comes from a childhood with a mentally unsound parent and I know it's not true. Difficult to fight though. I know if I was dating this wouldn't be an issue - I'd just wear whatever I want and be done with it.

I've been watching my boys gain some independance lately as well. Cell phones have helped with that as they are now available whenever I call them. One boy is very social and has many friends to hang out with, the other is not as social, more rigid, and has no friends to hang out with. My older one, the rigid one, I think will do better once he is an adult. He doesn't seem to tolerate children well and prefers the company of adults. I brought up the idea of giving them a clothing allowance. This would be so they are solely responsible for choosing their own clothes and buying within a budget. I don't know if it will work, but I think they could use yet another life skill. After all, I don't believe I'm raising children, I believe I'm raising adults who need to grow to be contributing members of society that can function largely without me. I don't want to turn them loose in the world without a good skill set and the confidence to work out new problems.